PARODY WEBSITE — NOTHING HERE IS REAL OR FOR SALE Satire only. No illegal goods, services, transactions, shipping, or checkout.
Crimazon parody website hero banner stating nothing is real or for sale
No purchases
No deliveries
No vendors
Satire only

Featured “products”

100% fictional inventory

Definitely Flour fictional parody product image 100% FICTIONAL
Pantry of Poor Decisions

Definitely Flour

Not for pancakes. Not for anything. Mostly a joke.

$4.20
not real money
Emotional Support Crowbar fictional parody product image FOR FEELINGS
Therapy Props

Emotional Support Crowbar

For leverage. Emotionally. Not physically.

$19.99
not real money
Finger Guns fictional parody product image PEW PEW
Maximum Pew Pew

Finger Guns

Bang bang, but only mentally.

$0.00
not real money
Totally Legal Briefcase fictional parody product image CONFISCATED
Office Drama

Totally Legal Briefcase

Very legal. So legal. Suspiciously legal.

$99.99
not real money
Alibi Generator 3000 fictional parody product image BAD IDEA
Questionable Docs

Alibi Generator 3000

Generates excuses your cat would reject.

3 Monopoly bills
not real money
Getaway Socks thigh-high fictional parody product image SPEED: NOPE
Escape & Evade

Getaway Socks

Run faster in your imagination.

$8.08
not real money
Vanishing Spray fictional parody product image JUST WATER
Sketchy Tech

Vanishing Spray

Makes nothing vanish, including regret.

$12.34
not real money
Suspicious Rubber Duck fictional parody product image QUACK OPS
Memes & Mayhem

Suspicious Rubber Duck

Knows too much. Says too little.

$7.77
not real money
Skimask fictional parody product image Winter Ready
Escape & Evade

Ski Mask

Totally Low Profile.

$14.99
not real money
Skimask fictional parody product image Tomfoolery Grade
Escape & Evade

Clown Mask

For Serious Tomfoolery

$19.99
not real money
Skimask fictional parody product image Panic Exit Approved
Escape & Evade

Chicken Suit

Bawk Your Way Out

$49.99
not real money
Skimask fictional parody product image Promises Not Included
Escape & Evade

Red Tie of Politics

Promises Sold Separately

$24.99
not real money
Skimask fictional parody product image Craft Chaos
Office Drama

Scissors

Cutting Edge Excuses

$8.99
not real money
Definitely Rock Candy fictional parody product image 100% Sugar
Pantry of Poor Decisions

Definitely Rock Candy

100% sugar. 0% street value.

$6.66
not real money
Shovel fictional parody product image Dig Yourself Out
Garden Variety Trouble

Shovel

For gardening and grave mistakes.

$18.49
not real money
Chainsaw fictional parody product image Maximum Noise
Garden Variety Trouble

Chainsaw

Cutting corners since never.

$129.99
not real money
Flashlight fictional parody product image Poor Choices
Sketchy Tech

Flashlight

Shine on your poor choices.

$11.11
not real money
Walkie-Talkies fictional parody product image Bad Reception
Sketchy Tech

Walkie-Talkies

Over and out of excuses.

$22.22
not real money

Support the joke

Enjoyed the parody?

Donations help cover hosting for this fictional satire project only. They do not buy, reserve, unlock, ship, or provide any product or service.

Buy the creator a coffee